And She Will be Loved;

The dictionary defines love as;
A strong positive emotion of regard and affection.
I love a lot of things. I love coffee, chocolate, sleep, old musicals, Bing Crosby, the color green, monkeys, Judy Garland and roses. 
Love is a funny word. You see all the time in gooey romance movies the word "Love" is used a disgustingly yet entrancingly amount. We as humans are built with a desire, to love. But what does love truly mean. 
The well known verse of the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13 says ;
"Love is patient and kind. 
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. 
It does not demand its own way. 
It is not irritable, and keeps no record of being wronged.
it does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always helpful, and endures through every circumstance." NLT.
WOAH. Love has a huge expectation to live up to. So how come in a relationship, whether single, married, divorced, widowed, or otherwise, Love only shows up when its missed. Shouldn't love be welcomed at all times? Maybe its just afraid.because there is so many things its meant to do and not do.
 We create this boundary, Love is only allowed when we're happy with it. Otherwise we punish Love for being around because life is fighting with us. 
Love and Life...the two reasons we wake up every morning. Next to "Lord" of course.
But I mean think about it. If Life is being ornery, then Love gets pushed aside. 
In my view, God created Love to be a part of life. Good life, and bad life. Love is all these things that we continue to look passed because life is so huge and gets in the way. But as humans, we were created to need love, desire, a feeling of being cared for and the feeling of having something to care for.
As a growing woman I have come to realize this more and more. How important Love is in my life. True Love. The act of truly Loving something or truly feeling Loved. Without it we have only life. Flat, Plain old life. Sorry Life. Love rules and without it, our hearts are empty. And who wants that. 
<3 
Live your LIFE to LOVE.

Bye Bye Birdie.

Confession 4; What happened to love from the sixties. Just this evening I watched the old musical from 1963, "Bye Bye Birdie" starring Ann Margaret. Now, if none of you have seen this then shame on you and that should be the first thing you do after reading this. If otherwise you HAVE seen it then you know what I'm taking about. Well, I guess for the ones who have yet to watch it, I'll be considerate and explain a little about the story. 
Kim Mackabee is a sixteen year old girl like any other. She loves boys, music, and attention. But above all else she is the President of the Conrad Birdie fan club. Its like a twist on the teen girls in the sixties and seventies who were heart wrenched over Elvis Presley. Anyway it's a two part love connection between Kim and her new man from school Hugho, and the song writer for Conrad, Albert,  and his beautiful secretary Rosie. Long story short they make money being on the Ed Sullivan show using Conrad and Kim. Rosie wants to get married but Albert is too strung on pleasing his widowed mother. While Hugho's jealousy over Conrad and Kim tears their little crush apart and along with music and dancing this movie is a regular, loveable, chick flick. What can I say. I AM a fool for romance.
But back to my first statement, watching these old movies from the sixties and seventies just makes you think. What happened. I mean think about it, The Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, My Fair Lady, Grease and even Superman....they were all full of love and loving and being loved. The guy always got the girl or vise versa. There was usually some heroic deed, or sweet words used, or something that caught HER heart and...compared to the movies and real life situations now a days I look back and just wish it could all still be the same. Maybe I am being some corny desperate romantic but what young woman isn't? Face it, even men would love to feel the way those movies showed the men of that decade feeling. What girl wouldn't want someone to dance across chimney tops with her? What man wouldn't want a woman to be willing to change everything she was just to make him happy? Ahhhh, love of the old decades. What would we do without them. 

Sad Day.

Confession 3; The day after Christmas is so depressing you know. Everyone does so much to prepare and then its like a huge let down within twenty four hours. Buying presents, visiting family, putting up trees and lights and pasting all those "once a year" smiles on their faces. Everything is twice as busy and twice as happy. People are laughing and loving so much more than any time of the year. All the kids are excited and everyone has something special to look forward to. Christmas Eve comes and everyone is anxious and overjoyed. That night all the kids are snuggled into their beds being told stories of Santa Claus and reindeer and fall asleep with smiles on their faces waiting for morning. Then Christmas morning comes and homes are filled with tons of colorful wrapping paper flung all over living rooms and sleepy eyes pulling apart boxes and beaming with excitement. During Christmas dinner families pass around love on top of delicious varieties of food that are only special on Christmas. Everyone is tinkering with their new toys all day long and by Christmas night exhaustion finally sets in of the past month's festivities and preparations. We all sleep soundly and wake the next morning to a day like any other ordinary day. Walmart's all across the nation are full of returned items and unhappy people. Restaurants are dead and unexciting and sleep is the only thing on anyone's mind. Me, I wish it could be the day before Christmas all year long.

Joy on Christmas.

Confession 2; Joy is my life. Psalm 30:11 says "you have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy." The people in my life and close to my heart are the ones who inspire me the most. Family and friends create a happiness in me that encourages me to encourage myself. If I can make just one person smile, I have accomplished my daily task. 
Many things in my life bring me joy. Along with people, my passions bring me joy as well.
I read. I love all the old kind of stories from back in the day when love was true and full. The good stuff like William Shakespeare's plays. Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" and Emily Bronte's "Wuthering Heights." I also like to write. Obvious. And if you haven't already heard, shame on you, I love to act. Acting brings me a joy that teaching might to a teacher, or riding in a spaceship would to an astronaut. I wouldn't be able to live my life to the fullest of joys without theatre. God has blessed me with so many things this Christmas. And I cannot wait to see what more he has in store for me and anyone else ready to receive his plans!
Happy Holidays!

Obsessed.

Confession 1; I have an obsession. "The domination of ones thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire or feeling." It dominates my thoughts and feelings. The ideas, images, desires and feelings play out in my daily life. Theater is what I live for. It's who I am and what I want to be. Do you have ever feel like that? Like if you aren't satisfied by your one desire then everything in your life will just come crashing down? And I'm not talking about some love life relationship that's missing this, this and this. I mean real honest wholesome desires. 

Sometimes people ask me, "Courtney what do you want to do with your life" and usually I come up with a really clever answer that will completely throw them off like, "just live" or "fall in love like anyone else" and those are both very true statements. But what do I really want to do, what is true to my every being. I want to act. I want to walk on stage and be anything in the world. I want to be a part of something so great and so big. I want to tell stories. I want to make people laugh. I want to make people cry. I want to make people think and ponder. But boy what an earful of an answer to a silly question like "what do you want to do with your life." So I stick to the sarcastic basics to get me by in the conversation, but in my heart I know what I truly aspire to be. That's where we find the part of us that only we hold. And my heart holds an obsession. 

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